Beauty and the Beast
by Lady Zero
Summary: Funny stuff that I'll probably never update again! Hey, atleast I'm being honest...


**Beauty And the Beast:  
Gundam Wing Style  
  
**

AN: Sup! I'm Lady Zero and this is my attempt at humor. I have two really good friends that show up. J-girl and Lady Scythe. If this is your pen name and you are not my friends, don't be offended. They are my friends, and I mean no harm to you. THIS HAS YAOI AND SHONEN-AI IN IT!! But not your regular couples!!!  
Couples in this story include:  
1xR, 2xH, mild 3x4, and unfortunately, 6x13(Zechs and Treize)  
Let's start, shall we?  
  
Lady Zero - Once upon a time there lived a man named Prince Heero.  
Heero - I'm a prince?  
Lady Zero - yes, now shut up. One day an old peddler came to his castle and asked Prince Heero if he wanted to buy a rose.  
Heero- I don't want any roses.  
Old Lady - If you don't buy any roses, I'll turn you into a beast.  
Heero - (mocking) yeah, OK  
Old Lady - wanna try me? (old lady turns into young woman)  
Who's laughing' now?  
Heero - Me (takes a gun and shoots her)  
Lady Zero - What the hell? Where's you get a gun?  
Heero - Around  
Lady Zero - that was our only extra!  
*All of a sudden there is a large poof and the ghost of the rose girl appears*  
Ghost of Young woman - Now, I'll turn you into a beast you bastard.  
Heero - I killed you!  
Ghost - yeah, well, I'm the ghost.  
Heero - Oh well, Omae O Korsu ... again.  
Ghost - Noooooooo! Not again! That's it! I'm turning you into a beast  
*Heero is covered in hair and is a beast*  
Duo - Hormones not working, huh Heero?  
Ghost - I've had enough of your friends too!  
Duo,Trowa,Quatre, and Wufei - We didn't do anything!  
Ghost - too bad.  
  
*Duo is turned into a candlestick, Trowa a closet, Quatre into a teapot, and Wufei becomes a clock. *  
Wufei - Injustice! A Clock?  
Quatre - What'd you think guys? Do I look good in porcelain?  
(No sound but chirping crickets)  
Duo - Right....  
J-girl - AHHHHHH! What did you do to Duo's hair?  
Lady Zero - I gave it a (pause) trim  
J-girl and Lady Scythe - YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO DUO!  
Duo - What they said!(sobbing) My beautiful hair!  
Lady Zero - Live with it. Back to the story. Ghost, It's your line!  
Ghost - Thanks. Prince Heero, you will become a person again when you fall in love and that person loves you in return.  
Heero - Damn!  
Lady Zero - Cut to... Village scene!  
  
Relena is walking a dirt path and music starts  
Relena - What's this?  
Lady Zero - Music...  
Relena - Do I have to sing?  
Lady Zero - Yes.  
Relena - Do I really have to?  
Lady Zero - YES!  
Relena - OK, (singing) Little town, it's a quiet village, every day like the one before, little town  
Person - Bonjour!  
Relena - Not yet!  
Person - Sorry.  
Relena - (singing) full of little people waking up to say...(silence) to say..(silence) TO SAY...  
Person - Sorry, Bonjour!  
Person - Bonjour  
Person - Bonjour  
Person - Bonjour  
Person - Bonjour  
Relena - I was told they only said Bonjour once!  
Lady Scythe - Too bad. Duo gets his braid gone, you have to endure people saying Bonjour. Vache (French for Bitch)  
Lady Zero - Hey! Where'd you come from?  
Lady Scythe. I'm not telling! You cut off Duo's braid right   
J-girl?  
J-girl - Right!  
Lady Zero - get over it. How peticular would a candlestick look if it had a yard long braid?  
J-girl - How peticular would a candlestick look if it talks?  
Lady Scythe - the gal's got a point  
J-girl - damn right I do.  
Lady Zero - Look he gets his hair back. Let's continue  
*Relena walks into a bookshop*  
Relena - Hello sir.  
Old Guy - Hello Relena.  
Relena - How do you know my name?  
Old guy - script. (mutters) bitch  
Relena - Oh, sorry. (looks at books) can I borrow this one?  
Old guy - that one? but you've read it already?  
Relena - So? I love it! Far off places, daring murders, a con-man disguise!  
Old Guy - If you like ti that much, you can have it.  
Relena - thanks! I've always wanted to read: the Talented Mr. Ripley!  
Old Guy - I'm happy for you.  
*Some guys start singing and Relena sits on a fountain and reads.  
Relena - this song is bullshit.  
Lady Zero - Sing!  
Relena - All right. Oh, isn't this amazing, it's my favorite part because you'll see... Here's where he kills Dikie Greenleaf. But they won't discover that it's him till chapter 20. (mutters) who wrote this crap?  
Lady Zero - AHEM!  
Relena - Sorry (starts walking while the villagers get their little song and dance number done).  
Treize - hello Relena.  
Relena - Yeah, whatever.  
Treize - Look, I don't have to be here. I could be somewhere with Zechs...  
Relena - Oh God, not this again. (Sees Treizes little assistant)  
My God! Miss Une! You're a ....a.... midget!  
Une - It's not my fault. Damn you your excellency.  
Treize - right...  
Relena - Look, I'm going home to my "genius" brother.  
Treize - he's no genius, but he's good-  
Relena - ENOUGH!(throws up on the side of the road.) I think I've heard enough of my brother's sexual preference.  
Treize - If you want to know more, I could tell you.  
Relena - NO!  
*All of a sudden Relena's house blew up*  
Treize -What  
Relena - the  
TREIZE and Relena - fuck?  
Lady Zero - Zechs! get your tight ass over here!  
Zechs - Yes hag?  
Lady Zero - excuse me?  
Zechs - nothing   
Lady Zero - Cut to the castle scene.  
Zechs - Hey you cut out my part!  
Lady Zero - Live with it.  
Treize - No one cuts out my Zechie's part  
Duo, Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei, Relena, Sally, Hilde, Noin, Une, Dorothy, Lady Zero, J-girl and Lady Scythe - ZECHIE?????  
(laughter and vomiting)  
J-girl - That's awful! (laughing) they're gayer than I thought! (laughing).  
Lady Zero - What _are _you doing here? You're supposed to be on he Star Wars set.  
J-girl - it's called a break dumb ass.  
Lady Zero - (mutters) and this is what I have to put up with...  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
It may not be funny to you yet, But it'll get there! Trust me! And my friend J- Girl has a fic: Star Wars and I don't know where it's posted, but it's really funny. If I find it, I'll tell you. I also wanted to say, I'm not a big fan of yaoi, but I do what I have to.   
Luv ya!  
  
Peace Luv and Chicken!  
  
  
**Lady Zero **


End file.
